True life: we bought and are remodeling a house

Remember when I said we would be extensively remodeling our current home? Right, well, we ended up just buying another home. This is no simple feat since 2020 has been a real bitch (and continues to be), so I want to take a minute to reflect on how lucky we are that Nick and I were able to pull this off.

To catch the internet up we bought the house about two months ago. It was a long arduous process of finding the ideal home in the Bay Area that was large enough to work with this new WFH situation. We looked for 2 years, and made 3 offers on other homes before finally upping the ante and offering a very generous 25% on top of the listing price to make this new home ours.

Do you know that home buying during COVID is the most insane process? You have to reserve 30-minute time slots to go see the house of your dreams, sign a bunch of waivers about your health, and not touch anything without gloves. It’s crazy to know that buying a home in the Bay Area in a COVID environment means that you get as long as one episode of ‘Friends’ to decide if this home is what you want to spend your life savings on. Think about it, people buy cars now and even those have return policies and test drives. Even stocks! Volatile as they are, but what you see is what you get. You pay the price as listed and then strap in for whatever ride. Home buying is nuts. We made it for the second time in our life and we are extreme pros at also inspecting the home as we go to make a rough estimation of what needs to be done. Structural issues? We can spot it. Life span of the roof? Check. Water issues? Oh man, yes, we learned this one the hard way.

Anyway, so we make an offer on our new 2,000 sq ft house and it gets accepted. Yay! Now you go through the mountain of paperwork to close on the home, which these days is taking about 25+ days. During this time you make no unexpected moves with your money because there is an entire industry of underwriters and loan officers that will basically babysit and guide you through this monster process of rates, points, and funding.

Cut to November, today, and we are not moved in but we are certainly right into what most people on home remodel shows call “the exciting part.” We are waist deep into a spreadsheet that I have created that has detailed itemized lists of every single minute thing we want to do to the home before we move in. To make it even more fun we have another tab in the same sheet that details what it will take to repair our existing home to sell or rent. (more on that later…or never? I don’t know, the internet is very unkind to people who are in a position to rent, no matter how moral or hard-working the home owner).

On the docket? A kitchen remodel with a wishlist of our dream appliances (read: $$$$), refinishing the hardwood floors and re-staining them with a beautiful white wash, installing quieter more efficient HVAC system (sexy and expensive!), painting the interior, and also remedying some invisible things behind the walls and in the attic. Super fun, super exciting, and also super nerve wracking when you have to write a check for 5-digits every other week and have sensual spread sheet sessions where we move little blocks on our massive Gannt chart that is essentially our countdown to move in.

Why am I sharing this? Because I’m in a new phase in my sharing with the internet.
I started posting on my blog over a decade ago as a place to talk about what I like in my life, which in my early twenties was fashion, design, and a good dose of personal stories to commiserate with other like-minded folks. I’ve blown past 30 and now I am on the precipice of 35 (!!) I have noodled with my options to shut this down, but I realized that I should embrace the fact that I still enjoy making posts, keeping a few dear friends who read this up to date, and continue to document my design life.

Chanel PHD

Look at her; she has a her library card, her Oliver People’s eyeglasses, and her perfect side-swept hair. She is gamine. She doesn’t even carry a bag, and if she did it’d probably be a briefcase because she means business in her long-line double breasted tweed jacket, and her matching tangerine skirt suit with power shoulders. She even wears shoes that look like Karl Lagerfeld himself brought them back from the 17th century France.

I’d like to be this untouchable smart woman. Not everyone would be into this whole aesthetic, but the Revenge of the Nerds person that still lives inside my body is saying, “Fuck them, tho.” So now I want to browse the internet for vintage Chanel long-line tweed cardigans, which it turns out is very hard to find. So I will file this into the list of One Day possessions I’ll eventually stumble upon and acquire and love forever — even if no one else does.

How Did We Get Here? A Black Friday Cautionary Tale.

This is a joke right? The one-size-fits all Vetements oversized bomber jacket for $3000, with the strange over the top styling is now seemingly legitimate fashion. It's the look in every street style starlet parading to and fro, and of course on the InstaGirls which are 100% followed and critiqued in embarrassing articles published by once discerning fashion magazines.  I don't understand it. Do you?

I'm not being rhetorical, I'm just wanting to know how we got here. That question tends to be a million dollar one these days and while I'm not keen to touch on politics in this arena, I will happily discuss the strange state of fashion.

This time last year I was fully invested in documenting my personal style in a typical way — a social media acceptable way, that is. I would get dressed on the weekends, replicating an outfit that I wore to work and find a pretty place near my home or errands that day to take a couple photos of it. [Tangent: Before you get all like, OMG that's not authentic because you're like recreating your outfit and not authentically documenting it I want to remind you that I have a demanding, challenging, competitive day job. Just like you! I work a lot, so taking photos in the city I work when my husband/photographer works in another part of the Bay Area is not possible nor top priority.] I would discuss my love of the latest and upcoming designs from fashion, art, and such with real interest because these things gave me inspiration, which helped fuel my creativity, and therefore positively impacted my work.

These days? Not so much. 

In January of this year, I made a pledge to eliminate my credit card debt once and for all. Specifically I didn't want to go into 2017 with any amount of credit card debt. The good news is I'm going to achieve this goal. Yay! Sometime in March I will have made my last payment to companies that I owe money too because of frivolous spending and bad financial habits. The unintended down side? I have lost most interest in fashion the way I knew it last year. I used to be so caught up in the new and trends and muse about them here. Now? All I want to do is talk about how atrocious this above look is and how insane it is that women are modeling themselves after what a select few with a platform label 'cool' and 'in' right now. 

In order to get rid of debt I sold a lot of my stuff. Things I thought would be closet staples for years ended up being the biggest resale disappointments.
 

When someone tells you a certain piece of clothing will be an investment just leave the establishment you're in because that bitch is lying to you and probably works on commission. Nothing in fashion is an investment.

By you wearing a pair of shoes, or a necklace, or a shirt, or a dress, you automatically depreciate that thing the moment you cut the tags. Hell, even before the tags are cut you know the price of it will never be what you paid for it. So knowing that, take a look at your closet and tell me how many "investments" you've made in the past year and compare it to what you actually wear in the span of two weeks. The results for me were shocking: I was in denial about what my style really was. So out went about 40% of my closet (and trust me, I'm still cleaning it out). After seeing how much shit I continually get rid of just serves to prove my point about how thoughtlessly I was spending.

So I was not only becoming a person with less debt, I was now a person with less appreciation for fashion in the sense that this industry demands it. 

This was a massive shift in thinking! Which lead to a massive shift in social media habits. immediately I stopped posting on almost everything; Instagram was just a source of constant comparisons: so I stopped following anyone who didn't inspire me. Facebook? I have not logged on in about 6 months. This blog? In order to figure myself out, I had to take a break and post less.  I wanted to spend more time living my life unglued from a screen, phone or otherwise. Another reason I was posting less on my blog? Maybe I didn't want to be promoting frivolous spending by constantly posting about things that I don't really need anymore.

The new me truly believes having another Chanel bag, or a Gucci whatever will not make me happy. Having a Chanel bag before I turned 30 like I wanted certainly didn't change my life like I thought it would. If anything, it isolated me more from people when they connect the dots that I'm carrying a bag that retails for $4000. After working so hard to not be poor, now I get written off as a rich girl. And this? This truly was not expected. But how can I complain when this silly handbag costs about 4 months of my mom or brothers' rent. These are the downsides of fashion that I considered this past year. The ugliness that comes from wanting it all and getting it all like America encourages. All I felt after having all these things was the immediate dent in my wallet, and the sad realization that wanting such a material thing seemed so important. 

The reason I'm saying this is because Black Friday and Cyber Monday are coming very soon. Sales will be very temping and items that seemed so important and high on wishlists galore will be semi-attainable, perhaps with a sick promo code and a reasonable APR. Don't fall for this trap. 

This image in my bio with the quote from Sofia Coppola is truer than ever: I want to be frivolous and substantial. I think these two things are super necessary for my personality because it balances my drive and compulsion to enjoy life. I just think I've been doing it completely fucking wrong for years. 

Being frivolous means living my life in the moment by sharing actual IRL experiences with people I love and enjoy being around. It's about buying myself the occasional thing in cash but only because I know I will use it quite often and is a quality item that seems to be made in a decent way. The substantial part? For me it means staying humble despite whatever success and sharing what I have/know/learn with people. It also means shutting up and listening. I guess being a decent person sums up the latter half of that equation.

I think fashion needs the kind of wake up process I had this past year. And while the industry is at it, I'd love for it to consider the immense wastefulness of creating largely synthetic clothes that are trendy for one season and sell for pennies. After considering the environmental impact of the wasteful fashion, I'd invite the industry to consider the human impact of who is actually making the clothes. Finally, I'd challenge the industry to reward and publicize real people who do great things for others, have a positive impact on the environment, and who do more than just attend parties to be photographed. Put that shit on a slideshow — I won't even mind the ads that get served up after each image. 

So to attempt to answer my own question, no I don't know how we got here in this gray area, but at least I feel like I'm not entirely lost like the guys and gals wanting to look like the girl above.

You Can't #regram This

This couldn't last forever: The blog format as I knew it for about a decade is probably, for the most part, officially dead to me now.

I can't really motivate myself anymore to take time out of my life (and my husband's life) to photograph an outfit, then come back to my computer, download the images, and then edit them for color, or even moodboard them, upload them, formulate a creative opinion, and type it all up. As time consuming as that all was, the process used to thrill me and stoke my creativity on a daily basis, so that's why I did it for so long. 

One time, like in 2009, I had a chat with the PR people at Net-a-Porter who considered my blogging efforts beautiful and "exhausting" because of the pace I was posting. I felt like that was a badge of honor, which it was, but the reality is that it was so tiring to keep it up. Now I feel like this format has been done to death because what was once an elite routine thing most easily executed by creative types and those with a bit of code logic now is possible for anyone with internet access and a SquareSpace account to choose a beautiful template and be a voice on the internet, a blogger. That's great as a whole for more people having a creative outlet, but as someone who has been doing this it for such a long time I start asking myself, What now? 

Now that there is so much saturation of opinions on the internet, what's next? 

Well that is the million dollar question for me. It's by no means a crisis of any sorts more than it is just needing to explore new territory for me to feel creative in. Just recently, I quit the advertising industry after almost 10 years of experience to join the ranks in Conde Nast and learn what art direction means in editorial. I'm thrilled with the new industry because of its newness and completely different politics and possibilities for advancement. I could not have gotten the job without the constant posting to this job to tell my point of view on design and such, so that is something I'm always grateful for. 

Blog wise? I can tell you this: I've reverted back to just posting my inspirations and whenever I can I'll post something a little more special. Honestly, nowadays when I feel super-inspired I do the thing I've always wanted to do but never seemed to know how to start; I paint. I've had years of sketchbook, secret plans to make paintings that would make me proud to hang them in my home and maybe even share with my friends. I don't know why it's taken me this long to start putting brush to canvas and just going with it, but I am just happy painting is my new creative routine now, picking up where I left off at Berkeley. 

You know what else? It bothered me that as a blogger I was no longer feeling truly creative anymore. I was just another fish in the sea of sites and the harder I tried to take photos and make original moodboards that were beautiful enough to share and put my name on, the more I realized the internet makes it impossible to retain any creative ownership. 

I recently gave a talk at the newly opened flagship Apple store in collaboration with VSCO in front of about 100 people to discuss my creative process and while that recognition was certainly nice, it still bugged me on some level to see my images across the internet reblogged and reposted without credit.

Like a lot of people who make things from scratch, my creativity is being used for someone else's blog or personal gain on the internet and that bothers me. But more than anything it finally compelled me to pick up a paint brush and paint. The fact that I can regain control over my creative products in a digital age is motivating, exciting, inspiring, and really captivating for me right now.

So I'm going to run with this. I like being in control, so why not? I paint every weekend now because I love it. Because I have so many ideas! To reclaim my creative ownership over my work. I'm seeking a format that is mine again, that only I can do, that yes, differentiates me again from the crowd. Why? Because I guess I need that. I guess I really am that type of creative that needs to feel a little special, a little different, and most of all original. Of course I can share images of my progress and finished work here or on Instagram, but at the end of the day the original painting is just that: original. And there is just one. Mine. 

Well Isn't That Nice (or, When You're So On Trend Without Even Trying)

These photos are circa 2015 and I'm recirculating them here because right now I'm tickled with the idea that this outfit that I wore last year is somehow super on trend right now. I was paging through Net-a-Porter's the Edit and they had about 2-3 spreads on this mysterious combination of bomber jacket and a skirt. Wow. Epic. Thanks shopping site for the validation.
Not really, though; I really don't need anyone to tell me that I'm on trend, because I honestly don't care, I'm more laughing at the fact that magazines and sites are trying to sell the look for thousands and thousands of dollars. 

Let me save you some effort here and say: don't do that.

The quilted nylon bomber jacket I'm wearing above was from the deeply-discounted sale section at Madewell from 2014 — for $30. That skirt? This is another early 20014 purchase from Barneys' last call super-sale. The designer is Yang Li whom I deeply love but am unwilling to purchase at full price because R U 4 Fucking Real with the prices? I got mine from a not-so-bargain price of $395, which is pretty good considering the original tagged price is around $1900. Finally, the shrug around my shoulders is faux fur from Zara 2012, back when I didn't care where my clothes came from and shopped with my credit card in hand with impunity, and my shoes? Well those were a super discounted find from this post's original source of pseudo-validation, Net-a-Porter. They're Junya Watanabe, another designer I'm a freak for but unwilling to pay for full price, so I got these on sale for 80% price, around $290 from $1000.

I'm not trying to brag about my sale shopping skills, although in the outfit above they are pretty impressive, but I'm more trying to say that you're fully capable of putting together an on-trend outfit for less money than the average American's mortgage payment. Don't be tempted to whip out that credit card to look stylish, just do you. Bomber jackets, especially nylon ones aren't terribly expensive to begin with, so just keep an eye out for fit (preferably a little boxy and voluminous), materials (quality stitching outside with natural cotton lining inside unless you like to sweat constantly), and if at all possible from somewhere that pays their employees a fair living wage.

That last one is tough, admittedly. So I guess what I'm saying is avoid the H&Ms and Zaras of the world, and maybe try shopping consignment or second-hand. Like me! Honestly, that's where you'll find big designer deals and even have a high chance of selling them back yourself! 

Calvin Klein Hand-Me-Down Dreams

Calvin Klein circa 1994. Ah, remember this? Well, if you don't, don't even worry because everyone is dressing like this circa right fucking now.

In 1994, I remember being a nine year old wearing crazy colored turtlenecks under everything (dresses, t-shirts, other sweaters) largely because my mom still dominated my closet choices/purchases, but mostly because I was nine. 

Despite this age, I remember I was starting to feel like the colorful clothes didn't reflect me and I yearned for something more minimal. My mom had some awesome outfits in her arsenal back then and even though I loved dressing exactly like her when I was a kid, I noticed that my clothes were adorably kids clothes no matter how much I tried to look older. Still! I loved the idea of wearing black at a young age, but even then it was seen as such a taboo — as if other parents would judge my mother's choices to allow her young innocent daughter to wear such a dark color. Is she into Marilyn Manson music from satan?! 

This collection is not only memorable for me as a kid because it was so iconically laid back, but because all of my favorite celebrities were wearing this type of slouchy minimal palette — Winona Ryder, Kate Moss, Kirsten Dunst, Julia Stiles, Sarah Michelle Geller, etc. And I wanted to be just like them! Not like my colorful classmates in elementary school who didn't know better with their Lisa Frank sensibilities and simple minds! I had real problems to keep track of at home with my mom. I was her co-pilot, helping her navigate the English-only world of post-divorce poordom, so that may have been another reason I felt so distant and unrelatable to anyone at school. They were chatting 90210 and how hot some dude on the show was, and I was consoling my mom through one of her migraines probably induced by the debilitating stress of having to pay such bills and raise three kids largely on her own. So I did what I could with my clothes. I worked what I could and took copious mental notes (I should have invented blogging back then because I feel like I was still doing this type of documentation of what I love even then) so I could take advantage when my dad came over once in a while and took me clothes shopping to the mall. 

There was one problem; for some reason this deceptively simple wardrobe was outrageously expensive. I couldn't understand why a simple pair of jeans with this "CK" mans name were so much money, but I knew that if I wore these logo clothes they'd somehow imprint me with a sort of status and cred, making me untouchable in a way. Clothes had the power to do that and I wanted in — or more specifically, a way out of the poor monotony of what I had at the time, and a way to look as old as I felt at the time. But that meant that unless I was getting these super-cool Calvin Klein-esque hand-me-downs from my brothers and other male family friends, or unless these items were magically on the racks at Old Navy, then there was no fucking way I was going to be this cool in 1994.

Ok, so let's zoom forward to 2016, and as a 30-year old I look back at this collection with the nostalgia that even though this couldn't be mine, and I couldn't wear any of it, this collection served as motivation for the future me. That sounds so cheesy, but people, it's beyond just a cheesy metaphor because it was my real life experience as a kid. This collection signified what I couldn't have, and I made a decision to have it and other nice things in my life and so I worked hard to make it happen. So thank you Calvin Klein for this beautiful, materialistic, and painful motivator to work hard and get out: get out of my situation of sad depressing poorness, out of the small town feel of where I lived, and out of the materialism and superficialness that I think I willfully missed out on so I could worry about more adult things.

 

source: vogue

Same Old Shit

You know the feeling when everyone seems to be oversharing the most mundane aspects of everyday life and you, a fellow social media account holder, are feeling more and more like a troll and less and less like a once-happy participant? Yes. That is me right now. Social media silent troll. Not on purpose! I became this monster. 

I very rarely hit "Like" on anything these days and find myself unfollowing more accounts each day. Why? When did Instagram become so ....blah. Is it me who changed?

Honestly, I should just give it up all together and only post here — my favorite empty hallway to yell into — but I think the only thing keeping me on Instagram right now are the meme accounts I follow. Even then though! I'm like, How do the FuckJerry's and the beigecardigan's of the world get away with essentially plagiarizing people's funny work for their own monetary gain?!

I feel it happening; I'm aging into a new phase of my life as the eternal grump. That older person that is constantly shaking their heads and telling millennials to get off the fucking lawn.

Blog-wise I'm less interested in photographing myself these days and more interested in waiting until I have something worthy and original to say. Even if it is a rant (which this post definitely is). 
I'm working on another one of those little experiment books, but between the new job and trying to be good at it, and trying to be a good daughter, and wife, and friend!, that leaves me with less time than I used to have for such things. 

Oh, I'm also working on more paintings because it makes me feel good to paint. 
All this making shit still makes me happy, but it still takes time.
More time than it takes to go outside with a camera and pose in front of an interesting wall.
More time than it takes to #chasethelight and take the perfect #selfie with just the right amount of nonchalance. 
I'm perfectly ok with this since it seems like the antidote for todays avalanche of daily hurried unoriginal shit, and despite my loner braggadocio attitude secretly hope you are ok with too.

The New New

It's my first week at my new job and as always when you start a new job things are pretty hectic, there's a lot of information, and the excitement is palpable. I just came here to say that things are going great and that my support system of family and friends are my favorite thing about this week — aside from my new job! Duh!

Basic AF

I think I'm basic AF.

Thanks to the internet, this is now a bad thing. For those living under a rock, one of the quickest ways to insult someone is to call them "basic." It's a way to slam someone deemed so utterly mediocre and non-special that a simple term that used to be neutral and maybe even slightly scrappy is used to encapsulate that person's entire being. Way harsh, Tai!

This quietly brutal term is overused now, but I really just refuse to let it happen and continue to use the word "basic" in the way that still encapsulates me: non-frilly, easy, scrappy, etc. In terms of fashion, for me, "basic" used to stand for the essentials, the quintessential closet items that every person should own — like a t-shirt. 

One of the toughest things to find that works for my body these days is a well constructed, quality t-shirt. Sure there are cheap avenues for a shirt, like Target and what not for when you just need a t-shirt for sweaty endeavors like cleaning your toilet or pulling the weeds in the yard, but what about when you want a t-shirt for work or even something dressy?

I know the famous twins behind The Row claim to have designed the "perfect basic t-shirt" with exceptional luxury materials like silk and cashmere and smart tailoring and seams and probably endangered unicorn hairs woven in, but at $300 a piece I'm pretty sure that's as unrealistic and a mistake in the making — like my Gucci Princetown furry loafers.

So now what? I've tried other acclaimed brands like ATM, that at first seem to have nailed the whole basic t-shirt situation, only to find out the paper thin $85 shirt I bought at a snooty place stretched out two sizes and is now so sheer that it is basically relegated to elegant sleep pajama top. Super. Lame. 

Ok, so really then, what now?
I'm lucky enough to have a blog that I can post to whenever I want to speak into the void about fashion and design, and sometimes people actually listen. Kit and Ace listened and without even asking me just sent me one of their cashmere, cotton, drapey shirts. I know, #humblebrag, but my point with this entire point is not to pander to this company that gave me free shit, but mostly to tell you that Kit and Ace is worth a try.  

They sent me their Linden tee in a size 6 and it says it's valued at $78 retail. The fit is absolutely lovely. The cotton is opaque enough not to show my bra, but still breathable and soft to have a significant drape. I love the oversized fit and I think the tailoring is very nicely thought out. I loved my new t-shirt right out of the free box it came in but was a little concerned when it said it contained 85% cotton and 11% cashmere (the other 5% is spandex). I thought, Great, here's to ruining another t-shirt in the wash. So I washed it per the instructions and it still retained all the amazing qualities that compelled me to post about it here.

Look, I know we can't all have the luxury of a free sample of what is essentially another $80 shirt, but I know that money is frivolous matter and that quality is still important to conscious fashion-loving shoppers. So I think if you're willing to try, give it a shot. The last thing I'll say is that in terms of size, I'd probably order a size 4, not a 6, moving forward. While the size 6 works great for the style I got (oversized, drapey, etc.) I will want a slimmer fit for a more traditional crew t-shirt.

shop kit and ace