Ever notice how these beautiful shots of strappy summer shoes or evening pumps are always modeled by lithe, skinny, narrow feet? Let me tell you about the time I went to Barneys after work in the summer to try on some beautiful Céline (Philo, duh, not Slimane) strappy shoes. It was after work, and it’s important to note the summer part of this scene setting because it was hot and I just walked around for miles. I was browsing on Instagram — which is a habit I’ve broken — and saw those Céline shoes that are essentially three feet of leather laces attached to a flat platform. I wanted to try them! They looked so great on this person, why not see if they look good on my feet?

Wrong.

i have commuter feet. I have worker feet. Tamales, if you will. I have little padded fleshy things with toes that allow me to move about the city, on trains, off buses, and back home every day. So of course the strappy shoes didn’t look good on my feet! The worst part is that even the sales lady laughed at me and suggested some other closed-toe shoe as more reasonable option.

Solution?

Look, I don’t know. I just wanted to share this story. And the story about how every time I see beautiful photos of strappy shoes on bony feet I feel a little jealous. My feet can look like this sometimes, but only if it’s the dead of winter, I am starving, and I am bed ridden.